... I feel like I will never be good enough.
Hi everyone! So, art uploads will be on hold because... I don't have much art to upload... I mean, I guess, if you guys want I can upload all my water bugs (macroinvertebrates) in resin up on dA and give you some information I know about them... I work about 12 days in a row thanks to summer camp, but I'm fine with that because my spending has been awful lately and I really need the money.
I remember the campers during the week telling me that I was a really good drawer and they were really impressed with what I could to.... But I was at his much longer than they were... and one girl I asked if she wanted to be an artist when she grew up and she said "no, I want to be a vet." I smiled and said "that is a great field to go into! But there is no reason why you can't do both." ... and I used myself as an example. I know I'm an artist because I make art... not good art, but I make art. And then I go on here to tackle some of my deviations and as I'm going through the 1,900-something deviations to try and figure out what to favorite (I will at some point, I promise! Not today, but at some point), I'm seeing all of you grow and develop as artists and making incredible pieces and I'm so happy for you all... and then I look at my own artwork and I feel a bit.... stagnant... I don't feel like I've been really developing as an artist... I know that is my own fault because I haven't had time to do any art or to really develop more skills as an artist... but so many of you have other stuff you have to worry about like other jobs and college that I feel like I really don't have an excuse... I love my job... every part of it... sure, sometimes it gets hard and waking up way too early in the morning is a pain, but I still enjoy every minute of it. I come home exhausted from the days I had, but I still have a smile on my face. I'm... really, honestly happy... I just wish I had more time and energy to improve as an artist. My boss(es) tell me that I'm allowed to have a life, too... and before I just laughed and said "Life? What's that?" but I might just take them up on the offer... even though I might not be going out to have fun with friends, at the very least I can spend it in day to listen to music and draw or write.
And, thanks to the advice of a biology teacher and friend of a friend... I have decided on what I want to do with my life. I want to take the leap into marine science and get my masters in Marine biology and/or marine animal behavior. I've got an overnight camp tonight... so while people are sleeping, I will begin studying for my GRE's. I was supposed to do that a little while ago, but I've been putting it off. I really do want to do well on those and take my finger off the pause button on my life. I want to stay year round at Wildlands, yes, of course... but that doesn't mean I can't also find a local college to take night classes at for more in-depth animal behavior classes... and maybe even a few limnology classes, who knows? And if I don't get year-round at Wildlands, it just means that I have more time to take the GRE's and explore masters programs at colleges.
This started out feeling really depressing and ending up on a high note, if that doesn't shout "progress" on how my mental state is, I don't know what will.
Reading: On a Raven's Wing anthology (Edgar Award winners)
Eating: Pop Tarts?